wikipedia: absurdism

According to absurdism, humans historically attempt to find meaning in their lives. For some, traditionally, this search follows one of two paths: either concluding that life is meaningless, and that what we have is the here-and-now; or alternatively, filling the void with a purpose set forth by a higher power, often a belief in God or adherence to a religion.

For some, suicide is a solution when confronted with the futility of living a life devoid of all purpose, as it is only a means to quicken the resolution of one's ultimate fate

im a freak?